SEVEN DEADLY SINS, MONEY MANAGEMENT, SATAN, AND KERRI SIMMONS

So another Gulf Coast Poker Classic has come and gone with the end of January at the Beau Rivage, and who would I be fooling if I were to say I wasn't all-consumed by that little green monster known as "envy" of those playing in the Main Event.


Envy is a crafty little bastard.  One of the seven deadly sins, no less.  If I had to guess, I'd have to think that out of the six sins remaining, "envy" would probably get along best with "greed."  Those two seem to really go hand-in-hand; much more so than, say, "sloth" and "wrath."  Kind of hard to pair those two up and expect any real sinister, horrific, bloody activities to get done that day.  It's kind of odd since not a lot of words end with the "th" suffix, so you figure they'd maybe have something in common.  But that's not the case.

"The chicks dig the rod.  And the six-pack.  And the
cape... and the parachute pants.  Wanna breakdance,
mortal fool?"

No wait, I figured it out.  It's those "passive-aggressive" types.  The ticking time bombs.  The "slothy-wraths."  Ok, moving on...


More on the seven deadly sins later, but for now, just a thought.  If I would have begun this blog going on about the "Seven heavenly virtues" would you have been half as drawn into it?  I don't think so.  I think all things evil have a real irresistible, gravitational pull towards them.  You might not want to dive right into the pool of evil, maybe just stare curiously at it's beautiful, shimmering reflection.  Watch as the evil ripples break on the edge, the waves hypnotic, your eyes fixed and tranced now, lulling you in with the warm ripples of desire.  Maybe you'll just dip your toes in it...now your feet.....just your feet that's all....  it's ok...no one will know...


Another quick aside:  If someone wrote two poker books, one called "POWER RAISING!" and the other called "Sensible Folding," which one of the two would sell out, and which one would be at the top of the New York Times "Worst Seller List" for the next five years at least?


Exactly.


So it's with all the difficulty in the world that I had to say "no" to envy, pride, and greed, and sensibly fold to the thought of playing the WPT main event this January at the Beau.


The little red man on my shoulder had so many seductive, sweet whisperings, too.  "Come on, you're playing great right now (pride)!  You just won that 7 Stud 8 or Better event!   You won a Hold 'em event less than a month ago!  This is your territory, dude!  You took second in the last main event here in September!  Don't be a coward!  Easy money, baby! (sloth) You don't want your kids to know you're a coward do you?  Do you?  It's a televised event just two blocks away from your house!  You're already up $*,*** for this series!  What's another $*,*** gonna hurt you (greed)?!  Don't you wanna earn a buffet comp? (gluttony, idiocy)  Hey, look Kathy Liebert is playing! (lust...wait...huh?!)"


Well, Satan, an extra $*,*** would hurt quite a bit.  I promised myself I'd only play the Main if I won my way in via a satellite or was up $**,***.  That magical number would justify as make-up money for the time off from work I'd taken, and if I failed in the main, I could still walk away a winner from the series for the time I put into it.


Money management in poker is so important, despite what Satan and his anchovy-heavy breath might whisper to you.  It's right up there with game selection, not playing above your limit, and all the simple things that are so easy to get seduced away from.


It's the EASY things in life that are so difficult.  Google "Diets" and look at the well over 1,000,000 sure-to-win diet plans that will get you to lose weight.  Over a million different ways to sell you the exact same simple thing that not everyone can do, but everyone already knows exactly how to do it.

"Psssst!  Baby, over here!  On your other
shoulder!  It's me!  Money Management!
Wanna, like, cuddle or somethin'?"

Eat sensible, exercise.


Hardly anyone can do those two very, very simple things.


Buy when the market is going up, sell when it is going down.  Again, so incredibly simple, hardly anyone can do it.


Money management.


Sigh.  This one hurts really bad today.  But it's not about today.  It's about the end of the year.  And when you alone are your own team of ONE, as many of us are, you're your own player, trainer, coach, manager, and backer.  It's a hell of a strange dynamic -- that internal struggle -- when the player in you is screaming, "coach put me in!" but the manager and backer in you is saying, "sorry, kid, not today."  Hopefully in the schizophrenic struggle, discretion wins out.


Hey, just over a week ago I was consumed so badly with "Trophy Envy" when that Roland Israelashvili dude busted me out on the 7 Card Stud bubble when he overplayed his kings right into my Aces (not Kosher), and sent me home three from the trophy.  I'd go home with my bubble sympathy buy-in money given back to me, and Roland would go home with first place money and a gorgeous crystal-Earth spinning trophy.


That trophy envy and greed consumed me so badly, I went home, read Ted Forrest's Chapter on Seven Card Stud Hi/Lo 8 or Better in the "Full Tilt Poker Strategy Guide" obsessively, over and over again, until I could virtually recite it.  The book is a phenomenal tool for your game with the best chapters having golden nuggets of wisdom from Ted Forrest, Gavin Smith, and Howard Lederer. Took lots of notes, discussed some ideas with friends, and went on to win that event just a few days later.  Booyah!

So I believe the powers of "envy" and "greed" can be channelled and harnessed to do good things.  Temper them with hard work and sensible behavior, and eventually and hopefully, generosity, and you've got something special.  That's how capitalism works.  The idea is that you can never suppress greed -- it's too powerful a force, but if you can harness it's energy to get some good things out of it, and tax it, then everyone benefits.  Communism and Socialism fail repeatedly because there's no energy to channel and harness jujitsu style which would lead to communal benefits coming from "sloth."  That's my political science lesson for the day.  Test in November.


Of course it didn't hurt that I got "hit with the deck" on the final table, but I did allow myself just a few moments of "pride," since I got to the final table 45 minutes late ( I thought it would begin at 5pm instead of 3pm -- thank you Brian Hempinstall for the phone call!!!), began play as the short stack, had only played that hi/low game twice before in my life, and was up against seven Eldo-Americans, who specialize in Stud events.


So, I got to take my winner's photo with my trophy in a lovely sweaty jogging suit since I was at the gym when I got the phone call from Brian ( Dude...dude...where are you?!  Your final table is going on right now!).

The eighth deadly sin.  "Grandpa wardrobe."  Please
click on my Amazon links, buy a book, so I can afford to not
look like a transient/ vagrant/ Wal-Mart refugee/ retiree.

What I really enjoyed seeing at this January's event, and what's always very, very encouraging is that so many people who are working hard on their games, and performing well, were cashing and/or getting first places.  For some reason, I find that much more inspiring and refreshing than whatever I was lucky enough to do this time around.  I get the best feeling seeing my friends do well, and seeing those committed to this very strange discipline of ours, in a land of degenerates, doing well!


Kerri Simmons comes to mind.  Some of you might know Kerri as that "crazy b****" as a lot of our fellow players have come to describe her, and she was first described to me.  The latest Kerri tale came to me from a female player at a single table satellite.  She had just gotten busted from the Ladies' event and Kerri was at the final table.  "That girl is insane," she stated.  "She was cussing at the table and I asked her to stop, and do you know what she did?  She told me, 'I paid my money just like everybody else here, I can behave however I want!  I can pick my ******* nose at the table if I want to!'"

What I do know is that her boyfriend Brad Peterson, who just won the PLO event at the Beau, as well as a MegaSat into the Main, has been working on Kerri's game with her, coaching her to play in top form, and Kerri finished third in the Ladies event!  She probably would have gotten first if the floor would have granted her table a break so she could <use the restroom>, but for some reason the floor did not wish to comply with the agreed requests of all players.  So, long story short, Kerri admitted to playing so much better after following Brad's advice, letting a lot of hands go (Power Folding), and not getting too involved in too many hands.  Awesome!  Congratulations, Kerri!

And with that, Kerri spelunked her index finger, knuckle deep, into her right nostril, and scratched her frontal lobe.  I don't know if she pulled out any stalagmites, or even if this story is true, but that's how it was told to me.

You can pick your friends ...aw, you get the idea...

So, good for her and good for everyone else who had a hell of a series this January at the Beau including, but not limited to Mark Wilds, Leif "Fear of Razors" Force, BJ McBrayer, Allen Carter, Shannon Shorr, Mark Rose (again), Chad "Mr. Vanessa Rousso" Brown (again, again, again), Tennyson Phillips, Ryan Lenaghan, Tom Franklin, Michael Brawley, Tim "Ed Hardy" Burt, Matt Brady, Jonathan Little, Michael "Car Wash" Schneider, and Lake Garner (Senior's Event, dude?   Really?!!  ;) ).


So, for me, for this main event, I'd have to watch from the rail.  And it was absolutely...miserable.  Just didn't make enough to warrant a big gamble like that.  Patience, young Jedi.  Patience.   There's something to that prayer of St. Francis' after all.  Or if you're Catholic and looking for the patron saint of gambling, it's St. Cayetano.  Thanks to Hannah Elisabeth for that Cliff Claven-like bit of trivia.  More on Catholic gambling in future blogs.  Stay tuned...


Well, I'm off for now.  Gonna go to Tunica this week and try to "Grover Cleveland" the main. Besides, there's just one more personal demon/ deadly sin left to placate...delicious, delicious gluttony!

Popeye's.  Kickin' ass since 1972!
Happy 39th birthday!